Monday, August 07, 2006


Aloha everyone! Well, my Extreme Makeover Big Reveal has come and gone, and I've decided to permanently move my blog to

Can't wait to see you all there!!

Sunday, July 30, 2006

The Countdown has Begun!

Don't forget to check out my Extreme Makeover progress at! There's just 5 days left until the Big Reveal!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Winning the Extreme Makeover

It's been just 5 days since winning the Extreme Makeover, and it's already made a huge difference in my attitude, emotional and mental well-being, and definitely the physical too. I'm making good choices about food, am exercising regularly, and have smiled so much my jaw aches!

Please visit me at to read all about my makeover transformation. See you there!

Monday, July 24, 2006

Happy Birthday to ME!

It's my birthday! Yaay me!! I'm 32 today (or, as I like to say, 24 for the 8th time ... 24 was such a great year ...) Don't forget to check out the changes I'm undergoing in my Extreme Makeover! I survived my 1st personal training session, and will have my 2nd session tomorrow morning. Also on tap is meeting my personal shopper on Thursday afternoon to see what lovely pretty clothes she picked out for me. There's just 11 days left until my Big Reveal!

Friday, July 21, 2006

I've moved!

Please visit me at to watch my Extreme Makeover transformation.

See you there!!

Thursday, July 20, 2006


I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two of my coworkers nominated me for the Downtown Appreciation Week Extreme Makeover, and I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will represent Westown (they've divided Downtown into 4 sections, and will have one person represent each section), and I get:
  • $150 in clothing at Lela
  • Hair, cut and color at Neroli
  • Facials at In Vivo spa
  • Shoes from Shoo
  • and the BEST PART!!! Personal Training from Fitness Together!!


I will be starting a new blog for my Extreme Makeover experience and will keep you all posted. I hope to have it up and running tonite! Yaay me!!!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

"In order to change we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired." - Author Unknown

I stayed up late with a project I brought work home with me last night, thus the lack of posting yesterday.

I had success with bringing lunch with me to work - hooray!! I was really glad I did because I didn't eat lunch and was REALLY hungry by 11am.

Work is driving me crazy with a tradeshow were preparing for, so it may be a little light here until Friday's deadline.

Monday, July 17, 2006

"If you fail to plan, then plan on failing." - Author Unknown

Man oh man. It's the 1st day of the F.A.T. Challenge, and I've already screwed up *LOL* My goal is to pack a healthy lunch every day and I forgot to make one this morning. And I really wanted to avoid the food court and vending machines, so I had shrimp ramen for lunch. Not exactly healthy and too full of sodium, but that's what I get for not planning.

In non-weight related news, I've been getting back into the home improvement mood. I bought my house in late December, and other than painting my kitchen/dining room, I haven't done much of anything else. With the weather turning warmer (and now too bloody hot), I've been doing a lot of work in my front yard. I wish I had remembered to take "Before" pictures, but here are two "during" photos so you have an idea of what I'm up to. The first is the view from across the street. And the second is the front door area - there used to be hideous 4' tall bushes all along the front, which I've cut down. I have some help this coming weekend in getting the stumps out, and will put in a pretty perennial garden I found on in the fall. I'm also putting up a railing between the white pillars, and painting the ugly yellow/orange bricks to a brick red. It'll have a few shades of brick red in a random pattern all along the front exterior of the house. Fortunately the rest of the house is all vinyl siding, and it was recently painted. I'm also having the driveway redone and widened 1.5' on each side in August. In the spring, I'll add solar lighting and impatiens along either side. Yet another project is painting this plastic bench - it was left behind by the seller and was originally white (well, it was a dingy white). I spray painted it bright blue (we bought this color for one of the whiz kid's school projects and I was too cheap to pay $4 for another color). I think the blue will really pop in front of the red bricks. We're going to decorate the chair this weekend - I'm not sure if I'll paint daisies or fishes on it. What do you think? :)

Sunday, July 16, 2006

"It is exercise alone that supports the spirits, and keeps the mind in vigor." - Marcus Tullius Ciero

I've joined The Big F.A.T. Challenge at Fat Fighter Blogs! Following Rule #1: No talking about lbs lost during F.A.T. Challenge will be pretty easy. I will however keep "My Progress" section updated (for the record, I will weigh in once a week using the scale at the gym). Even easier is Rule #2: Anyone can join in! So please do!

My first homework assignment is to spend a few days thinking about my health, my family's health, my friends' health ...

My health isn't good. I'm clinically obese and suffer from hypertension, GERD, Morton's Neuroma, Carpal Tunnel, and pinched nerves - and all are aggravated by my carrying an extra 93 lbs on my 5'4" frame. My family's health is mixed. My children are perfect - extremely healthy and active. My parents, grandparents, and siblings are quite opposite - heart attacks (Dad died of a heart attack at age 64), but had 2 heart attacks prior to the last one, Paternal Granddad also died of a heart attack in his late 50's early 60's ), strokes (Mom had a stroke 3 years ago, but is doing fine, Paternal Grandmother died of a stroke at age 72, Maternal Grandmother died of a stroke due to complications with Diabetes), hypertension (Parents, Grandparents, sister), Diabetes (Mom has diabetes but keeps it in check with a healthy diet, Maternal Grandmother had diabetes and died from complications of it, Maternal Great-Grandmother also died from diabetes), Migraines (Mom and sister), kidney issues (Dad), lung cancer (paternal aunt) ... I'm sure there's more, but that's all I know of. If I don't drop this weight, I'm going to follow in my family's footsteps and die too young.
and to think of one thing I can get a handle on and will focus on in spite of anything else.

My one goal over the next 8 weeks is to eat a pack a healthy lunch every day to work. I'm already drinking water and have started eating breakfast, but lunch is harder. I'm usually "too busy" to pack a lunch, or change my mind once lunch rolls around and either skip it (most times) or run to the food court to pick up something oh-so-delicious, but oh-so-unhealthy.

If you have any easy and delicious lunch recipes or suggestions you would care to share with me, I'd be eternally grateful!

P.S. No workouts for me this weekend - it's been 100 degrees and over and my blood pressure's been a little higher than normal, so my doctor said to take it easy this weekend. I have been walking -at the mall, of course :) and eating healthy, so I'm not feeling too guilty.

P.P.S. I've also decided to join Tae Kwon Do with the kids, but won't sign up until August rolls around to keep up with my bills for this month (ugh!!)

Saturday, July 15, 2006

"People say losing weight is no walk in the park. When I hear that I think, yeah, that's the problem." - Chris Adams

Click this link for a gift cheque to Lane Bryant. Enjoy!

Friday, July 14, 2006

"A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs." - Joan Welsh

Sorry for the no-post last night, but I had another ocular migraine, and laid down once we got home from Martial Arts. Everyone tells me how fortunate I am that I don't have the headache part of a migraine, just the flashing lights, but lemme tell you, the flashing lights are irritating and just plain weird. I keep wanting to reach out my hand and grab them. After a while, I have to lie down because trying to focus on something while the lights are flashing is difficult.

Work was crazy busy yesterday - the usual controlled madness and mayhem that preceeds a tradeshow. I've been taking work home just to stay on top of things. The kids loved martial arts last night, and I talked to the Master about signing up myself. I think it's a go, I just need to get over my insecurities about looking like the Pillsbury Dough Boy and/or the Michelin Man while wearing my gi.

I officially have the day off today - my employer gives us Summer Fridays (every other Friday off), but of course, I've brought work home for the weekend. The kids are watching Lilo & Stitch, one of their favorite movies, but will go to day camp around lunch so they can swim this afternoon.

The rest of the weekend will be spent mostly at home - the thing about being a homeowner and divorced mom with two kids that doesn't get child support is that I live paycheck to paycheck, and my direct deposit won't hit my account 'til Monday. It's not like I'm penniless, but any trips to the mall will be negative, to say the least. I have quite a few projects at home to tackle, including organzing our family room - too many toys and board games all over the place, and painting the kids rooms - Miss Priss will have a Disney Princess mural (a grassy/wildflower knoll with a path leading to Cinderella's castle) and the Whiz Kid wants a mural of Hogwarts and Hagrid's castle. And the whomping willow. So we have some research and a trip to Home Depot planned.

Well, I'm off to the gym for my lower body workout. Squats and lunges, here I come!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all." - Joey Adams

I'm swamped at work and brought some work home, so I'll have to skip the witty and wise and insightful post and just share my eating for the day :) Have a great night and see y'all tomorrow!

5:45 am (Breakfast/Meds/Vitamins)
Protonix, Diovan, B Complex with Vitamin C, and Flaxseed Oil
1 cup raisin bran
3/4 cup fat free milk

10:30 am (Snack)
Activia Strawberry yogurt
1/2 cup low fat cottage cheese

12:00 noon (Lunch)
1/2 peanut butter and jelly sandwich
12 cheese pringles
8 oz Sprite
The kids went to the public museum for a field trip today, and I met them there for lunch as I work just a few blocks away. I treated them to pizza from the food court, and ate their lunch instead. I think I'm going to make them better lunches from now on :)

6:15 pm (Dinner)
1 cup steamed rice
1 chicken breast
1 boiled egg
8 oz sparkling water

And that's it for now. I'm sitting at my computer desk with a rerun of LOST playing in living room. Man I can't wait for the new season to start!!!!
"Those who think they have not the time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for their illness." - Edward Stanley

I've been having really bizarre dreams lately ... I hopped online right away so I could blog about it, but it's already slipping away ... I can usually relate a weird dream to something that's happening in my life or even something that I watched or read about. I think my body's in shock from all the working out!

I had a great thought just as I was falling asleep last night about helping to get my schedule straightened out and give myself more gym time ...

... join martial arts with the kids!

They go to a family class (although it's mostly kids) so we wouldn't have to change class times (and wreck further havoc on my schedule). I'll get a good cardio workout (much more interesting than sitting on the exercise bike for 50 minutes) and we'll actually do something together as a family! What do you guys think about that?

Stephanie - thank you for the encouragement! Not eating 3 hours before bedtime is a lot harder than it sounds! woulda linked you, but don't know what your url is :(

Sue - I agree, it's so easy to eat when you're relaxed. I've started to realize that eating is my way of relaxing - instead of smoking or drinking, I'll grab something to eat. Like last night for example, I had a crazy day, and I finally had a moment to breathe when I was blogging, and my old habit was to go to the fridge and eat. Hopefully that old habit dies a quick death! :)

Beee - Thank you! A lot of people that know me offline think I'm super wonderful too, hahaha, but you know, I just do what I can. I work full-time because I have to, unfortunately (that is until I meet Mr. Millionaire or win the lottery). And it's not the kids' fault that we got divorced, so I don't want to penalize them by taking away their activities. Really, they each share martial arts, and the Whiz Kid has piano and Miss Priss has gymnastics. We have given up a few things and are down to these 3.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

"Make yourself a priority." - Jillian Michaels

Whew. Today was a bit rough, but I kept it together food-wise. I have a lot of things I'm juggling right now at home, and trying to get the kids' activities (piano lessons, gymnastics, and martial arts) synched with my work schedule (full-time M-F) and making time for the gym is giving me a major headache. I think I've got it all worked out but it's only going to get crazier when I go back to school in September. The whiz kid took a break from rock climbing for the summer, but I have no idea how to fit that in to our schedule.

As it is, we have piano at 7pm Monday, martial arts at 6:30pm Tuesday and Thursday, and gymnastics at 9:30am on Saturday. I'm trying to switch piano to Saturday mornings as it's right down the road from gymnastics, which will free up Mondays for another martial arts practice - the Master wants the kids there 3 times a week (Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays). Fortunately the martial arts studio is on the second floor of my gym, so today for example, I watched the kids practice while doing level 2 hills on an exercise bike. That's 50 minutes of cardio! Which is pretty darn great, but there's only bikes on the second floor, and I'm learning to love the elliptical machine. But watching the kids is pretty entertaining, especially when Miss Priss is trying to throw a 17-year old girl. Pretty hilarious, actually! :)

So my challenge is to fit in strength training into this mess ... as far as the rest of July and August go, I'll only be able to do strength training on Saturdays and Sundays (with cardio on Tuesday and Thursday). Which is better than nothing, right? It's amazing that just 2 weeks ago, you couldn't pay me to step into a gym, and in less than 10 days, I'm throwing myself a pity party because I can't go to gym as often as I'd like. What a weirdo, eh?

Anyway, here's my day in review. I probably should've eaten a bit better, but it's better than yesterday!

5:45 am (Vitamins/Meds/Breakfast)
Protonix, Diovan, B Complex with Vitamin C, and Flaxseed Oil
1 cup raisin bran
3/4 cup fat free milk

9:30 (Snack)
3 blondie bites (it was a coworker's birthday)
1 banana

11:50 (Lunch)
Activia Strawberry yogurt
1/2 cup low fat cottage cheese
1/2 spring green salad with ranch dressing

3:30 pm (Snack)
2 coconut brownie bites (same coworker's birthday)

5:45 pm (Dinner)
3/4 cheeseburger (my daughter ate the other 1/4)

I'm still a little hungry right now, but I think I'll just have a banana. I'm trying to follow the no-eating 3 hours before bedtime rule. It's hard!

Jen - Thank you for the encouragement!!

Philippa - Welcome to my blog! Thanks for the tips, I'm doing better but still slip from time to time.

Monday, July 10, 2006

"Can't is a four letter word." - Anonymous

It wasn't a really good day today, but it wasn't overly bad either. Just stressful, but it was self-induced stress as usual. Poor planning also set me up for a bad eating day, and I'm not feeling too good about that right now. BUT ... it wasn't a horrible day, and in the realm of horrible days, it was okay. Here's my day in review:

5:45 am (Vitamins/Meds)
Protonix 40mg
Diovan 80mg
B-Complex with Vitamin C
Flaxseed Oil, 1000mg

7:10 am (Breakfast)
Activia Peach yogurt, 90 calories
1/2 cup lowfat cottage cheese, 90 calories
This was supposed to be my 10 am snack, but I forgot to eat breakfast at home

12:30 pm (Stressful Snacking)
1 bag animal crackers
5 Hersheys Miniatures

1:00 pm (Lunch)
1 Chicken Teriyaki entree with steamed rice and veggies (probably around 1000 calories)
Still reeling from self-induced stress lead to trip to the food court

6:15 pm (Dinner)
Hamburger casserole (ground chuck, cream of mushroom soup, corn, egg noodles)

So here I am, still wanting to gorge myself but I'm hitting the pause button and putting a stop to my stressful eating. I'm so full I feel like it's gonna come back up any minute now ... YUCK!! Never again!!!

So much for an inspiring, and motivational post ... all I can say is learn from my experience and don't do what I did today. Tomorrow will be a better day, especially as I'm going to the gym after work.
Non-weight loss related post ...

But even more important ...

... these photos were taken by the niece of our VP of Marketing. She and her parents spent a week in St. Bernard Parish with Habitat for Humanity. It's frustrating to see how bad it still is after almost a year ... these photos really puts things into perspective for me and makes me realize just how blessed I truly am.

If you are as moved as I am, click here to help.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

"It's not a waistbasket." - Anonymous

I'm still new to the pretty journal thing, but here's my day in review ...

6:45 am (Meds/Vitamins)

8 oz water
Protonix 40 mg (GERD medication)
Diovan 80mg (Hypertension medication)
B-Complex with Vitamin C
I usually take a multi-vitamin but have run out and need to buy more

7:32 am (Breakfast)

1 cup raisin bran (210 calories, 1g fat, 250mg sodium)
3/4 cup fat free milk (90 calories, 0g fat, 130mg sodium)
Flaxseed oil 1,000mg

8:10 am (Workout)

Elliptical machine, 20 minutes (8 mins at 3.0mph, 8 mins alternate 4.5mph and 3.0mph, and 4 mins at 3.0mph)
Shoulder Press, 3 sets of 10 at 20/30/40 lbs
Vertical Bench, 3 sets of 10 at 25/37.5/50 lbs
Tricep Pushdown, 3 sets of 10 at 30/40/50 lbs
Rear Deltoid, 1 set of 10 at 30 lbs, 1 set of 8/6 at 45 lbs (this one was hard!)
Pectoralfly, 3 sets of 10 at 15/30/45 lbs
Bicep Pushdown (inner), 1 set of 10 at 15 lbs, 2 sets of 10 at 20 lbs
Bicep Pushdown (outer), 1 set of 10 at 15 lbs, 2 sets of 10 at 20 lbs
Back Pulldown, 3 sets of 10 at 20/30/40 lbs
Elliptical machine, 5 minutes at 3.0 mph

9:40 am (Post Workout snack)

Activia Peach Yogurt (90 calories, 2g fat, 70mg sodium)
1/2 cup low fat cottage cheese (90 calories, 2.5g fat, 400mg sodium)
8 oz cherry crystal light

10:52 am (Snack)

1/2 apple

11:30 an (Lunch)

16 oz key lime sparkling water (0 cal/fat/sodium)
bologna and cheese sandwich
3 hours of walking around the zoo with the kids

3:00 pm (Snack)

1 serving potato chips

6:30 pm (Dinner)

1.5 cups steamed white rice (gotta look up the nutritionals)
1 chicken breast
1 boiled egg

I hope my shorthand is understandable about my strength training - for example, the Shoulder Press - I did 1 set of 10 reps at 20 lbs, 1 set of 10 reps at 30 lbs, and 1 set of 10 reps at 40 lbs or 3 sets of 10 at 20/30/40 lbs. Make sense?

And that's today in a nutshell. Not bad, it's neat to see what I've done and where I can improve on. I can see that I didn't do very well with my eating, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be. Then again, knowing that I would write everything that went past my lips did make me think twice, especially walking by the zoo concession stands!

Jen - I've had personal trainers twice before, but they weren't like Jennifer at all. The first one was a hottie, but I think he was too timid and didn't push me at all. The second was older, but didn't push me at all either. I've never been to Hayward before, but we've been doing a lot of exploring and will definitely have to come see you one day :)

Michelle - Kudos to you for going to school to be a nurse! That is such a demanding and rewarding job - I contemplated being one while I worked at a nursing home, but I'm just not cut out for it. It really takes a special person to be a nurse! Congratulations!

Janet - It's so funny how you mentioned wanting perfect writing in your journal and not wanting to ruin it's prettiness because I'm the same way. I'm purposely writing in pencil so I can erase my chicken scratch. Today's entry is really messy, but I feel pretty good just writing it all down! You're right about it being good incentive - I definitely wanted some of the goodies at the zoo, but didn't want to write it down :) And I agree with you - the longterm effects of being healthy far outweigh medical bills, medication, etc. My family history is totally against me (diabetes, heart disease/strokes, lung cancer, kidney disease) that I have to do everything possible to counter-attack it!

"What you eat in private, you wear in public." - Anonymous

I'll be putting quotes or tips of the day in my title section from now on ... my titles can get a little whacky sometimes (take yesterday for example), so I thought I'd do something different.

My upper leg muscles are a little sore today - which is an interestingly good feeling (no pain, no gain?) It's almost like I've forgotten I had those muscles :) I had a rough night last night - I woke up at least 4 times and it took me awhile to go back to sleep each time. I'll be heading to the gym in another hour, but it's nice and peaceful right now with the kids still sleeping.

Jennifer is going to be a great trainer, I can tell ... she really pushed me, and while I eventually did give up, it wasn't until 40 minutes into my workout and I had to stop or I would've thrown up. Like I said, I haven't worked out like that in forever, if at all. I'm sure I must have, because I've been down this road before (lost 40+ lbs after high school and 60+ lbs after my son was born) and I worked out then too, but having someone keep pushing and encouraging you is pretty awesome. I kept telling her that if I was working out on my own, I woulda stopped a lot sooner than I did.

I bought a pretty wirebound journal to take with me everywhere - for the first time in my life (and I've done Weight Watchers five times) - I'm going to journal everything. What I ate, when I ate it, how did it taste, what was I feeling at the time ... this week will be enlightening, I think! I don't start my official meal plan until the 21st (payday) because I thought it was more important to get the personal training sessions started right away. Having been down this road before, I have enough common sense to eat the right things over the next 2 weeks. It'll be curious to see how I do these next two weeks versus two weeks on the meal plan!

M - Hi! Cate Blanchett is a good role model! It really is rather hard to find them - I mean, the latest issue of Self had Hilary Duff on the cover - and she was recently walking around looking severely anorexic (as compared to her beginning years of stardom). I dunno, maybe she's changed, but she's not a role model I'd want for my daughter. Thank you for cheering me on about going back to school. I've officially applied for the Interpreter Technician program at the tech college - it's a 2-year program and I'll finish with an Associates in Applied Science Degree, and then move up to the unversity to get my Bachelors in Exceptional Education. I haven't talked to my work yet, about reducing my hours, but once I'm officially accepted in the program and I'm at the point of no return, I'll talk to my boss. Worst case senario, I work fulltime and go to school fulltime for my first semester while I look for another job. I've actually already sent my resume to the HR department of the city I live in as well as the school district I live in, so hopefully it'll all work out!

Jen - Hey! I'll have to drive north someday and come visit :) Kate Winslet is great too! I remember she went through so much grief during Titanic because people thought she was fat! I thought she looked beautiful!

Beee - I've tried blogging before, but never really stuck with it. For some reason, with the three moons perfectly aligned with the third rock from the sun, this blog is keeping me on track! I figure a year from now, we'll have to do a reunion show on Oprah so we can all meet face to face :) Thank you for the congratulations! It's been 10 years since I've been in school and I've been wanting to go back every single day. Again, the three moons, etc were just right and it's the right time to go back. I'm really excited and so are my children!

Michelle - Welcome to my blog and thank you for your comment! What are you studying? Also you have a great name (it's my name too!)

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Jillian with a touch of Bob ...

Jennifer just called ... she's going to be a great trainer! I guess she must've known the personal training sessions were a bit expensive for me because she offered me an option to do small group personal training, and it's 8 sessions for $168. She said depending on the day and time I choose for my personal training, I may actually wind up with one-on-one training with her as she doesn't have many clients in the small group sessions. Whew! My bank account is sighing in relief right now!

Okay ... I really need to shower now ...

P.S. I did 7 minutes on the elliptical machine!!!!! Yaay me!!!!!!!
Oh. My. Word.

I just finished my 1st personal training session at the gym with Jennifer, my trainer. I now know what those poor ladies felt like on the Biggest Loser with Jillian Michaels breathing down their necks ... I almost threw up twice! Hahahaha!! I have never worked out that hard before in my entire life! My clothes are soaked through ... it's kinda disgusting!

It's going to take some creative budgeting to fit in my personal training sessions - right now I can afford to do it just once a week, as they're $60 a session, but once a week is better than none ... so I will be going to the gym 4 times a week, 3 on my own and 1 with Jennifer. She also offered me a meal plan which includes 4 weeks of menus (breakfast, lunch, dinner and 3 snacks each day), recipes and weekly grocery lists. Jennifer showed me the menus, and they appear to be a great fit with my lifestyle (foods I normally already eat, and foods that the kids will eat too, so I'm not making 2 dinners). It's a $56 one time fee for the meal plan, until I get to the point where I have to go to a lower calorie meal plan. The personal training sessions are $60 each. This whole getting in shape thing is getting expensive, but you can't put a pricetag on your health, right? And what I'm doing right now isn't working!

Now that my heart rate has settled a bit and my legs have stopped trembling, I have to get outta these stinky clothes. I'll be back later ...

Thursday, July 06, 2006

I've done it this time!

I've officially decided to go back to school this fall. I've already completed my federal financial aid application and have been approved. I spoke with an admissions counselor at the University and we've decided I should finish my liberal arts electives at the local tech college - it'll be cheaper and more convenient for me. I plan to go full-time, so I have to do just 1 semester at the tech college, and as long as I get all Bs, I will be able to transfer to the University.

Part of going back to school full-time is cutting back on my hours at work. I currently work 40 hrs a week, and will ask if I can cut back to 32 hous a week. This will ensure I keep my benefits (paid holidays, vacation, sick leave, etc). I may even be able to get reimbursed for certain classes as long as they can somewhat relate to my job and our industry.

I'm really excited - I'll be 32 later this month, and my life seems to be finally coming together!

I'm sorry for the non-weight loss post today ... I'll get back on subject and will answer comments tomorrow, promise!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

A fresh look ...

This whole blogging thing is starting to really bring things into focus for me. Things that were always on the edge of consciousness, are now in the forefront. I'm starting to really look at my life and make changes ... one at a time of course.

I'm having a hard time putting my thoughts in writing, but will mull this over and try to explain to y'all exactly what's going on ...

... be back soon!
Need a role model, please!

I'm trying to figure out which Hollywood star I would choose as a role model and/or I would like to aspire to be like/have their body. It's a superficial question, and I'm not talking like I want to have their exact body or will have cosmetic surgery, etc but I know I'm not the only woman that wants to look like a particular Hollywood star ...

I have my first personal training session on Saturday, and it's a question that has been asked of me in the past. A few names that come to mind are ...

Jennifer Aniston
Kate Beckinsale

And now I'm stuck.

Now this just speaks for itself ... I googled "healthy hollywood actresses" and the first 3 sites listed are about veneers, smoking, and beauty secrets. What's up with that?

Who do you think is a good role model in Hollywood? Or do they even exist?

Monday, July 03, 2006

Sleepin' in ...

Good morning! Oh man, I slept in today and feel great! I know, sleeping in 'til 7:42 may not be "sleeping in" for some of you, but I'm normally up at 4:30! I'm off work today - our office is closed for Independence Day, and there were so many people taking today off that our CEO decided to close today too. Combined with my summer friday last week, I'm in the midst of an amazing 5-day no workie period! Woot!

I have to stick around home this morning because I do an online rummage, and have a few people stopping by. Then I'm heading to the gym in the late morning, and the whiz kid's best friend is coming for a sleepover at 4. I'm debating if I should take them all to the lakefront for the fireworks. I know they'll like it, but parking will be a nightmare.

I really want to weigh in, but the scale I use is at work, so no weigh-ins for me until Wednesday. I "feel" lighter somehow but I think it's a combination of knowing that I'm exercising and eating better ...

Hey Jen! I'm a few miles south of you, I think ... I listen to everything! From classical/orchestra to pops to R&B to rock to reggae to ska to easy listening to country to gospel to easy listening ... I think Push It is an excellent workout song! I would never have thought of that one! Thanks!

Hi Janet! Ahh, the Deftones are awesome! That's another one I wouldn't have thought of. The thing about the elliptical is that I can't do even 5 minutes on it. But I should try!

Hi Bee! Ditto what I was telling Janet ... I'm super silly because I can't even do the 5 minutes so I'm too embarrassed to do it at all. I need to change my thinking - 5 minutes is better than none, and like your comment said, in a year from now, I could be jamming on it for an hour! With that said, I will workout out at least 5 minutes on the elliptical today. I'll let you guys know how it was later :)

Sunday, July 02, 2006

What moves you?

So I've spent a good portion of the morning figuring out what workout songs I want to download for my new MP3, and I've come up with the following:

Hips Don't Lie by Shakira

Buttons by PCD

Life is a Highway by Rascal Flatts

Bad Day by Daniel Powter (not exactly a get up and boogie song, but it has a good message)

Temperature by Sean Paul

Walk Away by Kelly Clarkson

Ain't No Other Man by Christina Aguilera

American Woman by Lenny Kravitz

Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N Roses

Eye of the Tiger by Survivor

Not bad so far, eh?

Saturday, July 01, 2006

I need your help!!

Now that I've joined the gym - and had a WONDERFUL workout by the way (side bar ... it felt SO amazingly good to work up a sweat! I did a quick 30 mins on the recumbant bike, I felt a bit intimidated by getting on the eliptical machine, silly I know, but whodathought there would be such amazingly awesome eye candy on a Saturday morning?) I'm treating myself to an MP3 player as an early birthday present .... so I need your help! I'd love suggestions on really kickin' get up and shake your booty music :) Thanks in advance for your help!
What a Friday!

Whew, I'm exhausted! My body is so in tuned to getting up early, that I can't sleep in even if I tried! Yesterday was an amazing day! The gym was awesome - the assistant manager, Mark Fine (and boy, was he!), showed me around and it's an awesome club! The kids area is great, and the studio for the kids martial arts is awesome too. They even have a swimming pool, which I wasn't aware of, but am excited about too. I didn't get to work out, the tour and Q/A and contract took about an hour, and the kids were getting anxious to go to the waterpark.

Noah's Ark was pretty cool - it's kinda what I call "been there, done that, never again". The pools and slides and rides were okay, but nothing was so out of this world that we HAD to go back. The kids were happiest in the wave pool, and our favorite waterpark resort has a huge one, so we'll probably stick to that one. We have another weekend getaway in early August to yet another waterpark resort - our 5th one of the year.

Plans for today include the farmers market, the library, THE GYM!!!!, and visiting a friend I haven't seen in over 2 years and she lives just 20 minutes away. She had bariatric surgery in January and she's lost 100 lbs so far. I'm excited to see what she looks like, and am relieved that the procedure has gone okay and there are no complications.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Saturday!

P.S. Hi again Alea! Did you know that if you used the okinas (hawaiian apostrophe) 'Alea'a means sweet-voiced in Hawaiian? If you don't use it, then it's a nickname for the hinalea, which is a type of fish :) Hi Bee! Screw the world indeed! :) And thanks M for the kudos on skipping ice cream!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Almost there!

I'm so amazingly excited about joining the gym tomorrow. It's so bizarre! I've been in a rut since January, and am so ready to get moving again. Today's weigh-in definitely helped motivate me!

Sorry for the lack of meaningful posts today, but it was a crazy day at work, and now that I'm finally home, the kids are fed and bathed, amd I'm ready to just lie down in bed and relax. We have a busy day ahead of us - after the gym, we're driving 100 miles west to a waterpark resort town, and will spend the day at an outdoor waterpark called Noah's Ark. I can remember when I used to be so self-conscious about being seen in my bathing suit. I think that while I'm uncomfortable in my own skin, I have enough self-confidence that it doesn't bother me (too much) about what other people may think. Yeah, it gets to me at times, but what're you going to do? I'm tired of living my life trying to be what other people want me to be. I feel like I spent my entire teenage, highschool, college and 20's living like that. No more! My main priority is my children, and I know taking care of myself is the best way to ensure I'm doing my job :)

Hi M and Sue! I have a coworker originally from Australia. I love her accent, she's a lovely lady!
Buh-bye, now!

Woot! I just weighed in, and I'm 223.5 lbs! Even sweeter is that we had an ice cream social at work, and everyone tried to tease and cajole me into joining, but I stayed steadfast and didn't have any. Boy, do I feel great!!!

If it's possible, I'm even more excited about joining the gym tomorrow!
Feeling' snarky ...

I'm in a super snarky mood today, and it's all work related issues. I feel bad for my coworkers. No wait, it's all their fault I'm snarky in the first place! Aargh!!!!!

More to come later!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Boycott Web MD!!

That's right ... I'm going to boycott WebMD, The MayoClinic, and all other health-y websites that let you self-diagnose yourself ... when I visit these sites, I wind up with major anxiety attacks because I've talked myself into thinking I'm having a heart attack, or acute heart failure, or a blood clot, or melanoma ... I think I'm going to add them to the parent control section of my internet security program, and enter a random password with my eyes closed, so I can never unlock those sites again!

For the curious ... I looked up "shortness of breath" and almost made myself believe I'm in acute heart failure, which I most certainly am not. Of course it took 3 friends and the on-call nurse to talk me down and set my mind at ease. I am such a huge hypochondriac, it's ridiculous! My doctor had me go to the ER in February/March because I was having chest pains, and tingling in my left arm. A multitude of blood tests, 3 EKGs, a CT scan, and 7 anxious hours later, I'm discharged. The verdict? Severe GERD breakthrough, and poor posture. Yep, you read right. Years of slouching to hide my fat is now smooshing a nerve somewhere that's causing my left arm to go tingly. So now I overcompensate and slouch on my right, making my right arm and shoulder go tingly. And the side effects of my hypertension medicine (shortness of breath, fatigue, blurred vision) are almost worse than what the cure. My doctor says that it's virtually impossible (which means it's still possible) that my heart would degenerate that quickly, but if I continue to not take care of myself, one day, I will have heart failure and die. Great doctor, eh? She has an amazing bedside manner ...

All kidding aside, these self-induced anxiety attacks remind me how important it is to lose weight and get in shape. I want to live to be an active 106 years old, chasing my great-grandchildren around, telling them stories of what was like when granny was a little girl :)

P.S. Hi Alea! Thanks for stopping by my blog!
Ready ...

Hi Zanna, Hopeful, and Jen! Thanks for commenting on yesterday's post. I've got y'all blogrolled now :)

I'm getting really excited about my appointment at Bally Fitness on Friday! I went to Old Navy on my lunch break and picked up 3 XL Men's tshirts that were on clearance for $1.97 each. They'll be huge on me (side bar ... why is it that an XL womens tshirt is kinda snug but an XL mens tshirt is huge?) but they're perfect for working out in. I bought 3 because I will workout 3 times a week. They're cute - kinda vintage surfer tshirts in pink, yellow, and brown.

I had a long sales meeting this morning which was really boring, but prevented me from snacking, which is a positive. I made myself a veggie dip using ff sour cream and added chip dip seasoning from The Spice House. Even though it's for chips, it works great with veggies too. I had it all nice and packed in a tupperware container along with a baggie of baby carrots, but of course, I forgot it at home. Mornings are crazy for me because I have to make lunch for the whiz kid and Miss Priss for day camp.

I also called my doctor to see if I can switch hypertension meds, again. The first one made me cough all the time, and this one makes me short of breath when I lie down. It's kinda freaky - I feel like I can't breath, and here I am trying to sleep, so of course, I'm not sleeping, and when I finally do fall asleep, I keep waking up short of breath. Needless to say I haven't been sleeping well and the massive luggage under my eyes are proof.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Make yourself a priority!

As I was blogsurfing yesterday, I came across a blog (can't remember which one) where the blogger was having a healthy competition with her best friend - whoever lost 10lbs first had to take the other out to a fancy dinner. What's wrong with this picture? I just don't get why you'd work your butt off to lose weight, only to celebrate with food??

I think food plays an important part in life. Yeah, you need to eat it to live, but food is so central in everything we do - can you imagine any type of celebration where food is NOT the main focal point? As a parent, I use food as rewards for the kids - eat all your dinner and you can have dessert. Bring home a great report card and we'll go to Chuck E Cheese. Pass a major test, and we'll celebrate with ice cream at Oberweis. It's your birthday? Let's go to Great America and ride the rides and eat funnel cake! Food is the meaning of life, right? NOT! Since the beginning of the year, I've been trying to use non-food rewards with the kids. We'll go the library, the pool, rock climbing or watch a movie (sans popcorn and soda). It can get difficult at times, and I'm 70% non-food reward right now. Which is a lot better than where I used to be.

I also read on M's blog how she will go to great lengths to keep a promise made to someone else, but always breaks promises made to herself. I can totally relate to that. My kids know that if momma makes a promise, it's serious business. But all my promises to start my diet tomorrow or to get up early and exercise are broken as soon as they're made. I give so much to everyone around me and I'm left with the sloppy leftovers. It’s not fun!

So, following Jillian Michael’s advice to “Make yourself a priority!” I have made an appointment at Bally Fitness to assess my current physical condition (or lack thereof) and will treat myself to an annual membership. I was considering joining Curves, and know several successful women that have lost weight at Curves. I like the idea of a quick 30-minute circuit, but I needed a place that offered childcare so my kids are safe while I workout. My appointment is on Friday at 9am, I’m getting excited and nervous. I haven’t stepped in a gym in 6 months, and at 226 lbs, I’m obviously out of shape. But I have to start somewhere, right?
Oh, Harry!!

This isn't weight loss related at all, but I'm a bit anxious over JK Rowling's latest comments on the seventh Harry Potter book.

Click here and scroll about halfway down for the news or you can watch it here.
I love my coworkers!

I came to work this morning to find an empty tin of English caramels! I can always depend on them to scarf down whatever free food there is lying around the office.

I did however, help myself to a pack of South Beach peanut butter cookies that someone left on another table in the kitchen. There are 2 in each pack but count as 1 serving. Nutritionals are pretty good - 100 calories, 5g fat, 0g trans fat, 140 mg sodium, 15g carbs, and 4g fiber. They even have 2g of fiber! For you WW-ers, that's 1.5 points for 2 cookies. I can go for that. The taste test will come later this afternoon!
Random Fact #001

I was born and raised on the Island of Oahu, Hawaii. I lived there from birth till I was 28 years old. Pretty cool, eh?

I'll be back later today ... have a few things on my mind that I'll be blogging about. Before I go, I want to say hi to Stephanie and Sue! I think I found them via the Fat Fighter Blogs directory, and am so glad I did! They're both unique and so inspirational ... please be sure to stop by and say hi!

Monday, June 26, 2006

Oh, pickles!

That's my daughter's ("Miss Priss") version of cussing. And my new favorite "swear word" :)

I installed HaloScan commenting on my blog, which is all good, but it deleted the two wonderful comments I've received - one from Sue and one from Debbie. So Debbie and Sue, if you've come back to visit, I'm so very sorry for deleting your comments! :( Please leave me another so I can visit you sometime soon!
How much does water really weigh?

Don't know why I did it, but I got on the scale a few minutes ago, and am pretty shocked. I know your weight can fluctuate throughout the day/week because of water, but how did I lose 1.5 lbs in 4 days? I'm trying not to get too excited about it, but I have to admit my heart's skipping a bit right now! :) I'm feeling really glad I didn't go to the hot dog vendor for lunch and ate my regularly planned lunch instead!
Curse you, evil do-gooder!!

Some fool brought in a tin of chocolates, caramels, and caramels with chocolate centers to work today. I'm glad you had a fabulous holiday in England, but don't bring back an entire tin of my absolute favorite candies! Curse you!!!!

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Movies and more

My son ("the whiz kid") and 13 of his closest friends went to the movies to watch Cars for his 10th birthday. I thank Heaven each time I go to the movies that I'm not a huge popcorn lover, or licorice or hot dogs or any of the regular foodstuffs you'll see at the concession stand. I'll usually get a soda, but more to share with the kids than for me to drink by myself.

The whiz kid has very generous friends - he got a lego set, 2 supersoakers, a Nintendo Gameboy DS game, a Harry Potter Scene It game, 2 $25 Barnes & Noble gift cards, a $25 Toys R Us gift card, a $30 and $20 Target gift card, and a few other things already squirrled away in his bedroom. I'm already cringing about the return gifts when the whiz kid gets invited to parties ... I should start saving $ now ...

I think something has finally clicked because I normally would have had a second serving of birthday cake now that we're home, but I haven't had a single slice. I'm not really hungry either, so I think I'll pass on dinner. If I was on the outside looking in, I'd think I've been possessed by the Body Snatchers or something :)
I can't believe it ...

... when I logged off to take my meds, I was hit with thinspiration, and actually went out for a brisk 30 minute walk. I'm still in shock that I actually did it. Hopefully this is a sign of things to come!

Why is it so hard to lose weight? Yeah, I know it all comes down to ...


... but there's also emotional and mental components to it. I feel like I've got Jillian Michaels (aka the Devil) on one shoulder and Bob Harper (aka an Angel) on each shoulder telling me what do to. Jillian's screaming at me to get my rear off the couch and give her 20, and Bob's saying "Come on Honey, you can do it." Or depending on my mood, it's like having Mo'Nique telling me it's okay to be a fat girl (and really, it is okay) and my doctor on the other saying "Diet or die". *sigh*

If someone could just bottle the "oomph" that it takes to get your emotional/mental/physical and the three planets and second sun in alignment, then bottle it, I'd pay a pretty penny to get my hands on it. Hmm. Pills. That reminds me. I haven't taken my GERD and hypertension meds yet. Be right back ...

Thursday, June 22, 2006

What a choice ...

My doctor said "Diet or die."

Which one would you choose?

I guess it's obvious. I'm choosing diet, but it really wasn't a fair question.

And she won't even medicate me. I have to do this the hard way.

I wasn't always fat. Well, I've lived the majority of my as a fat girl, but for a few years back in 1993 - 1996 lived the life of a skinny minny. The secret of my success? First, let's peruse my dieting resume ... Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach, Fat Flush, Jenny Craig, Herbalife, Nutri System, Slim Fast ... then there was my intrepid search for the magic pill that would zap the fat away ... Metabolife, Dexatrim, Hydroxycut, TrimSpa ... pills containing chromium picolinate, green tea, hoodia, apple vinegar, ephedra ... anything I could buy without a prescription that said "appetite suppressant" or "energy" or "fat burning" ... I've lived on cottage cheese and grapefruit, the yucky three day diet that made you eat beets, drunk "diet tea" that made your insides explode and stink up the bathroom for hours. I've dipped my fork into salad dressing before stabbing a wilted piece of arugula, sipped water and put my fork down between each bite, stopped eating 3 hours before bedtime ...

I could go on and on with all the diets, fads, tricks, schemes, and all out stupid things I've done in the hopes of losing weight. So I bet you're wondering how I attained my skinny-minny-ness back in the 90s? Get a pen and paper, and write this down. Are you ready?


Yup, that's it. Plain and simple. I know, I know. It's easier said than done. And that's why I haven't been a skinny minny since 1996. Mind you, I have two children, born in 1996 and 2000, so that's where some of the weight was gained. Mixed in between then, a horrible marriage - my ex was physically abusive and adulterous, and then got arrested for picking up a 13-year old on the internet (long story, almost deserves it's own blog), my dad passed away, I moved to another continent, and started my life over again.

So here I am, hold on, lemme weigh myself to make this official ...

OMG, I wish I hadn't done that. I'm 227.5 lbs. No freaking wonder why my 5'4" body aches after walking two blocks. No freaking wonder why I have hypertension and acid reflux. My body is falling to pieces while I slowly eat myself to death.

@)(*#*@@!! 227.5 lbs. Yep, I'm gonna diet or die. I have never weighed this most before. In college, I weighed 147 lbs, and exercised down to 135. After my son was born, I weighed 199 lbs, and worked down to 176 lbs.

*sigh* so this is it. The last straw. This is war ... against me. I'm going to stop doing the wrong stuff, and start doing what I know is right.


You just watch me ... I choose to live, dammit!